Friday, December 23, 2005

End of the Year Lisps

The potential enegery at the little inn is nearing the breaking point. With the place booked solid through the New Year, we're entering one of our busiest stretches of the year. And for the first time, we've done some major improvements that should make a huge difference. Foremost among those improvements was the replacement of the 40 year old boiler that serviced the guest rooms heating system. Normally not a fan of thrwoing 40 year old things away, we made an exception this year, and we added a heating zone out in the back room, along with brand new windows, making the place downright balmy. More importantly, it saves energy, and as long as we continue to suffer astronomical fuel prices, every little bit helps.
All this has to do with things an innkeeper doesn't want to hear. When you add guests to the inn, you add stress, stress on systems, like heating and hot water, stress on the hot tub, stress on the innkeepers. And when you add stress, things break down. With that in mind, I thought I'd share some of the things that guests have said to me. They're in no order of severity or shock, just what comes to mind at the outset of another calendar year. As you read these, remember the spirit in which they were spoken: out of the blue, usually with me in my jammies and a cup of coffee in my hand, or late at night, with a glass of bourbon in my hand.

* There's no (hot water/heat/electricity/high-speed internet access/boot warmers/masseuse on staff/heated towel dispenser...you pick'em).
* I tried to fix the toilet, but...(use your imagination here).
* We need new sheets.
* Could you throw this away? (Imagine being handed a variety of bad smelling things: diapers, ashtrays, plastic bags filled with offal.)
* Um, I don't know how to say this, but...
* Do you have any rolling papers?
* Is the hot tub supposed to foam like that?
* What's that swimming in the pool?
* Have you seen my kids?
* Have you seen my car?
* Have you seen my husband?
* Did you you say we could or couldn't wear street clothes in the hot tub?
* Do you have a plunger?
* Could I borrow some paint remover?
* Can an iron be un-melted from a carpet?
* Are you the innkeeper that writes?

Yeah, that's me. So be careful. You might end up in my blog. Or, better yet, you might end up in my upcoming book: The Innkeeper's Husband.