The Stones Visit My B&B!

No, not the Rolling Stones. The kidney stones.

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up and went through my regular routine: make the coffee, let the dog out, and start writing. But within fifteen minutes I was writhing on the floor in pain. The pain came from my lower left back, in the area of my kidney. My mother-in-law whisked me to the ER where kidney stones were diagnosed. The pain was indescribable. When the nurse came to see me, she showed me the little scale of faces used to diagnose pain. You know the one: happy face on one end at number one (no pain), crinkled face on the other end at number ten (take me out back and shoot me pain). I pointed to number ten and cried, "Aarrrghrrrlllmmnsttrrrfff!"

In a few minutes I was shot up with several pain killers, and for the next four hours I lay on a gurney, receiving medication updates. Finally, around noon, blasted into bliss by drugs, I was allowed to go home. But the pain persisted for several days, finally abating six days after the onset. The culprits--three kidney stones--were lined up, waiting to be ejected. That was my job now: drink lots of water, pee through a screen, and save the kidney stones for analysis when they showed themselves.

This presents a tricky problem for an innkeeper. While I'm fortunate that my wife, Chantal, is the front of the house, I still have plenty of duties behind the scenes. Air conditioners needed to be installed, the fence around the pool needed to be repaired, and I had to prepare for a conference of writers. All of those tasks are difficult to accomplish when you're doped up on oxycodone.

Innkeepers don't get to call in sick. Guests can be understanding, but there's a limit to how much they want to hear about your plumbing woes. I've dealt with this illness the way I deal with most unpleasant things: humor. My low profile allows me to make guest appearances out in the breakfast room, tell a few jokes about my pain, and retreat. But the work remains. The writing needs to be done. My two classes at Community College of Vermont didn't go away.

So I medicate and wait. I'm mostly pain free, but last Friday I had another attack of moving stones that sent me to the ER when the pain outran the abilities of my medication. The hope is that these things will pass naturally and painfully, but the prospect of a procedure looms. In any case, it will be an interesting summer as I try to balance health with work. Sphere: Related Content