It's much the same now when we cross back and forth across the U.S.-Canadian border. Going into Canada, the border agents simply want to know the same three questions: What is the purpose of your trip? How long will you be staying? Are you leaving anything in Canada? Last week Chantal and I drover her mother up to the airport in Montreal, and after I answered the last questions, "No," he hesitated. "You're leaving your mother-in-law, right?"
Haw. It was a rare moment of levity with a customs official, and we appreciated the laugh.
But we've had our share of dustups upon our return to the States. Our own agents are ever-vigilant for the things we U.S. nationals may be trying to smuggle back into our own country, things that are only available in Canada, like Cuban cigars, smoked meat, and socialized medicine.
One time Chantal borrowed a friend's car to drive someone to the airport in Montreal. Upon her return to the States, the customs official noticed a bag of dog food in the car.
"Where did you buy that dog food?" he asked.
Chantal, a seasoned border-hopper, knew how to talk to customs officials: answer only the question you were asked; volunteer nothing. "I didn't buy it. This is my friend's car, as I told you."
"Where was that dog food produced?" The tone was Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator.
"I don't know where it was produced. It's not mine."
"If it was bought in Canada--"
"Look, if it was bought in Canada, the language on the bag would be printed in two languages, French and English. So take a look." Chantal had breeched a long-established protocol of only engaging when questioned. But she had the customs official cornered.
Nonplussed, the agent let her pass.
We had another interesting episode last week. While up in Montreal, we visited our favorite market, the Atwater Market. Autumn is a great time to go to the market, because all the fall fruits and vegetables are in, including dozens of varieties of pumpkins, apples, and flowers. The display is colorful and the foods inviting. After a cup of coffee at Premier Moisson, we browsed the shops and stalls, picking up a couple of cans of flageolet beans and some cheese. Then we saw some leeks that looked so perfect we had to get them.
Savvy travelers know that normally bringing fruits and vegetables back into the States is a no-no. We knew that, too. But we figured that since they were local produce, it would be okay. Not so. When the customs official asked what we were bringing back, the leeks were a flag. We were sent off to the side parking area to await the fruits and vegetables expert, who explained to us that we couldn't prove that the leeks had originated in Canada. They could have been flown in from Asia.
Or worse, he said, they could contain nematode. If you bombed biology in college like me, nematode is a parasitic roundworm. There are actually something like 28,000 species of nematode, but for the sake of our leeks, there were two that came into the discussion. One variety was the good variety that ate bug-hating critters like cutworm. The other was a the evil variety, called pest nematodes, that hitch rides on unsuspecting crops, like leeks, and spread themselves around, killing crops. Invoking the false binary so often used when good and evil are allowed into the discussion, the customs agent explained that they had to destroy the leeks in order to save them. It was Ben Tre all over again.
Chantal tried arguing logic: Don't the deer and other critter that leap unchecked back and forth across the border carry nematode, spreading it?
"Thanks, folks, and have a nice day." Customs agents have their orders, and while we're glad they're on the ball, that kind of vertical thinking can be concerning.
This shouldn't sway anyone from spending a day up in Montreal when visiting northern Vermont. Just remember that cans of beans are okay, but fresh fruits and veggies are evil.
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